MOM

I think about my Mom quite often.  Like almost every day.  I know this is quite natural because there is no more unique and special person in one’s life than their mother.  You may not think so when you are growing up and they seem to fail to understand that you really don’t need any help navigating your way to adulthood.  Then, later in life when you are raising your own family, you become acutely aware of how special mothers are. 

While raising your family there is nothing you are doing that your mother didn’t do for you.  Staying up with you at night while suffering from an ear ache, changing diapers, feeding you and getting you dressed.  You weren’t always the big person you are now.  Then the teen years, God help mothers during the teen years. 

I bring this up because my Mom and I were very close.  I was fortunate enough to marry, raise our family and live all of her life within ear shot, for which I will always be grateful.  My Dad was the source of untold number of lessons that have helped me along the way, my Mom provided me priceless core values.  I believe in my heart I was a good son.  But since her leaving us I have lived with the nagging feeling that I should have done more during the last year of her life.

A good friend of mine who was Mom’s doctor called and told me tests had confirmed she had ovarian cancer.  The following months there were countless visits to doctor’s offices, labs, and hospitals.  These were followed with months of chemo and radiation treatment.  Never, never a word of complaint or a “Why me?” 

In her own quiet way Mom was as strong and tough as any human being I have ever known.  She fought as best she could but was losing ground.  It was during the last month of her life that I now realize I should have done more.  Just as in my childhood I was oblivious to all a mother does, the same can be said of this phase of her life.  Not for lack of love or caring, I just was not tuned in like I should have been to someone whose life was ending.  I thought I was but I wasn’t. 

The reasons are too numerous to enumerate here but there was one particular evening that stands out crystal clear to me and speaks volumes about what she was going through.  We had finished  dinner and then chatted about various things.  She was not much for small talk so if she did decide to talk it was a special time.  Shortly after the nurse arrived that would spend the night with her, I tucked her into bed and was getting ready to leave.  She grabbed my hand and said “I wish you could stay.”  I explained that I had to get home to my family and I left.  From that day until now I have not felt good about leaving that night. 

If somehow God would grant me a do-over I would not have left her side from that moment on for the short time she had left.  Lord knows I have a wife who would have said “Do whatever you want to do” had I asked. 

She was a great lady who possessed more kindness in her little finger than most people will ever have in a lifetime. 

 

   

THE PRIVILEGED

Recently I have heard President Obama and Timothy Geithner use the term “privileged” when referring to those they feel should be carrying a larger share of the load than they already are.  I looked the word up on Dictionary.com and found the following definitions: 1. belonging to a class that enjoys special privileges; favored: the privileged few.  2. entitled to or exercising a privilege.  President Obama and Mr. Geithner have deemed people privileged by having exceeded a certain level of annual income.

Setting aside those that won the lottery, inherited a fortune or benefited from some other stroke of good fortune; I feel there are certain characteristics germane to this group they call privileged.  Somewhere along the line they made the decision to take whatever steps necessary to improve their lot in life.  Maybe, through education, they prepared themselves for a desired career or improved their worth in the job market.  In the pursuit of that education they surely missed out on many fun things others were doing.  If they were not fortunate enough to have family help, they may have worked two jobs and weekends, taken night classes, often taking years to achieve their educational goals. 

Maybe they saved their money, started a business in their garage and rolled the dice on an idea they had.  I am sure taking risks is common among these people.  Funny thing is, when you take risks it doesn’t always work out.  Maybe your idea was not a good one or trends, fashions or tastes changed and what was a booming business goes in the tank.  You had a good thing going for a while, made a decent income, provided jobs for some people then all of a sudden it’s all gone, your home, retirement fund, savings, everything you ever worked for.  Nobody passes the hat for you.  You’re on your own.  Failure is common among those that take risks.  But so are perseverance and the desire to get off the floor and try again. 

More power to those content with a 9-5 job, weekends and holidays off and a nice, paid vacation every year.  I am sure they have enjoyed many of the truly important things in life that others miss out on.  There is much to be said for never missing a birthday party, first at bat or graduation.  Not everyone is cut out for nor desires the stress and long hours demanded of others pursuing their dreams. 

Those that put in long hours to excel at their chosen line of work and the business owner that does not have the luxury of clocking out at 5 on Friday afternoon, know the price they pay and are willing to make the effort.  Call them industrious, driven, determined, ambitious and often lucky, but don’t call them privileged.  In most cases, whatever they have achieved, they have earned.             

DAD'S APPROVAL

I was watching Friday Night Lights, one of my all times favorite TV shows the other night.  It happened to be their final episode after a pretty good run.  As most shows that have been successful, Friday Night Lights was being given the dignity of a series ending show as opposed to being axed and disappearing with no word of explanation from the network.  Given that luxury the show was tying up loose ends among the many fantastic characters they had developed during the series.

One of these loose ends was an on again off again relationship between Matt, a local high school football star and Julie, the daughter of Matt’s football coach.  After graduating from high school Matt had moved away to Chicago to pursue a career in art, thus initiating the off again portion of the relationship.  Julie had gone to a small Texas college and left no doubt as to the off again part.    

In this show they hook up again in their home town, Dillon, Texas and Matt gets down on one knee to propose to Julie on the sidewalk in front of a restaurant.  She says yes.  Then he tells her he wants to do things the right way and ask her father for her hand in marriage.  Julie strongly objects but Matt goes ahead with his plan.  Her father goes ballistic and says something about hell freezing over.  Matt says he is over 18 and his doesn’t need his permission anyway.  The show ends with there being little doubt that Julie and Matt will wed.

This brought back memories for me.  Many moons ago, on a blind date, I met this vivacious blond babe with the most gorgeous smile I had ever seen.  I sensed before we met that this was THE ONE.  I proposed on our third date.  She said yes.  Then, being the gentleman I am, I let Terry (the blond babe) know that I would be coming to her house to ask her Dad for her hand in marriage. 

To set the stage for you, Terry is from a good Catholic family and the second oldest of nine kids.  They lived in a small, 2 story, 3 bedroom house.  Her mother and father lived in the only downstairs bedroom while the 9 kids shared the rooms upstairs.  There was a stairway, off the dining room that led to their rooms.

I arrived about 8 o’clock on the big night.  I won’t say I was nervous; apprehensive might be a better word.  Terry welcomed me into the living room where I sat facing his honor.  For some reason I felt the need to engage in some meaningless banter while building up my courage.  Finally, mid-sentence, while talking about who knows what, I said “I would like to marry your daughter and would love to have your approval”.  While I am sure he relished holding my feet to the fire, Joe (Terry’s father) graciously granted his approval and said he would be proud to welcome me into their family.  While I had not been in doubt about the outcome I was very relieved that this was over and content with myself that I, like Matt, had done the proper, manly thing.      

I was to find out later that the rest of the family was lined up on the stairway out of sight, listening to the entire conversation.         

AM I THE ONLY ONE?

Am I the only one a little bewildered by the high tech world we live in today.  Granted I did not grow up in a world where we became computer savvy by kindergarten, had a cell phone when we were 8 or had all manner of things plugged into our ears.  When you grow up with things you have a way of learning them without even making an effort.  Not so when you are on the shady side of the hill trying to cram yourself with the knowledge necessary to keep pace with a generation personified by a baby in a TV commercial, wearing diapers, standing in a crib and talking in a deep, man’s voice about his portfolio.  When someone has that kind of a head start on me how am I supposed to catch up?

I guess, at my stage in life, what I am trying to figure out is what is worth learning in the tech world and what is fluff.  By fluff I mean that which would be nice to know or amuse myself with but is not really necessary to stay competitive in today’s business climate.  In other words, with the time I have available what should I be concentrating on to keep pace. 

About 5 years ago I read a quote by a woman (whose name I can’t remember) who was head of one of the larger computer related companies in the world.  She said “Within 5 years, if you are not computer literate it will be the equivalent to not knowing how to read and write”.  If we aren’t there, we are close.  But that just scratches the surface.  Even if we attain an “expert” rating in computers that does not necessarily translate to business success. 

I guess what I am wondering is how do we take this magical tool our generation has been blessed with and use it to most advance our cause, be it intellectual or financial?  That’s where I am stuck.  As things advance so rapidly that today’s hot idea is tomorrow’s old news, how do we hitch a ride with a rising star and avoid a fizzling star.  Think back over the past decade and all the companies that were the cat’s meow that are now history. 

Much smarter men and women than I have spent years studying how to maximize their marketing efforts in this media mad world.  Companies have gotten wiser, first sticking their toe in the waters and now committing fully to Twitter, Facebook, You Tube and a host of other gizmos in an effort to sell their wares.  There must be a method to the madness.

I guess I can start with my own little blog here and learn how to maximize my readership and following with graphics, feeds, links and other tricks.  That will give me some of the basics that I can build on.  To be honest, part of me enjoys committing my thoughts to a blog even if no one took interest but the other part of me is fascinated by the ocean of opportunity out there if I just get it together and apply myself.  First my blog, then the world. 

             

REALITY CHECK

I was going to re-enter the blogosphere with a blog about my shoulder replacement surgery and the subsequent rehab.  I changed my mind after recently being an honored guest at a Camp Pendleton change of command ceremony for the United States Marines Wounded Warrior Battalion West.  From this point on you will not read anything I write nor hear anything I say that even hints at my being disappointed in the cards God has dealt me. 

As the men and women of this battalion stood at rigid attention on the parade ground for close to two hours in a hot sun, the changing of command took place.  The outgoing commandant spoke about the huge progress made during his command.  The commitment of much needed funds had allowed for a construction program that, when finished would provide a base hospital and state of the art equipment for those Marines injured while defending our country.

Then he talked about what the Marines do for their own.  Each wounded soldier is placed in one of several facilities on the west coast depending on their injuries and the need for rehab.  From the outset, he explained, there is a concerted effort to bring the entire support of the Marine family to bear in the support of these soldiers as that feeling of family is critical to their recovery.  While receiving mental and physical treatment they are also being prepared for a life after they leave the Marines.  Even though some return to service in whatever capacity they are capable, most must eventually leave the cocoon of the Corp and make it on their own.  Every conceivable effort is made to prepare them for that challenge.

The commandant then told of a recent athletic competition in Denver of wounded soldiers from various branches of the service.  One of the competitions was won by a soldier who was in attendance.  He was a double, high amputee, which means both legs were amputated very high.  He was also blind.  He was introduced and received a loud ovation.  The commandant said that most would be overwhelmed with despair given the same circumstances.  He asked the soldier how he felt about life.  In a booming Marine voice, the soldier responded “Never been better, Sir!”

 After the change of command, which involves a solemn ceremony of the outgoing commandant passing the flag to the incoming officer, there were more words of commitment to the now and future soldiers of the Wounded Warrior Battalion.  As we dispersed I walked up to the soldier who had been acknowledged.  I did my best to muster every bit of sincerity and respect I had in me to thank him.  From his wheel chair he replied “You’re welcome”.  The fact that he could not see me only intensified what was already a very humbling experience.   

       

THE COUNTDOWN

                                                                                    

Well, up until now it had been a date circled on our kitchen calendar.  What had seemed so distant is now approaching fast.  Three years ago I was told my right shoulder had deteriorated to the point of bone on bone and the only fix was a rebuilding of the shoulder.  I had always thought God had given me body parts to go the distance but He managed to throw in a little osteoarthritis just to drive home the point that I was not perfect.  Surgery is now one week away.

When I was a boy my absolute favorite thing to do was throw a ball.  Actually, I loved to throw anything that would fit in my hand, even rocks.  My grandfather would take me to a local river bed where there were thousands of rocks along the bank of the river.  Always aiming at a target I got quite accurate with my throws and the flat rocks I could make skip almost all the way across the river. 

As I grew older I did not lose my passion for throwing things but it was mostly a baseball or a football.  As a quarterback on the football team I could throw with the best of them.  Later, as my kids grew up there was nothing I enjoyed more than throwing the ball around with them.  I would holler “everybody out long” as I would heave it as far as I could or we would play a mythical ninth inning, bases loaded, two outs with Mickey Mantle at bat, my kids pitching and me at the plate calling balls and strikes. 

Now I am paying the price.  Somewhere along the line it became very painful for me to even lob a ball to one of my kids.  Eventually I had to stand off to the side and watch as they played catch.  While there was joy in watching it hurt not to participate.  The last straw was having to give up surfing.  I had long since given up board surfing for a boogie board but that raised shoulder stroke required to catch a wave became too much for me.  It takes a great deal to dampen my enthusiasm for a day at the beach but lounging in my beach chair and not being able to surf is like fishing on a boat where everyone around you is catching fish and you can’t get a bite. 

Three months ago I decided the pain was to the point where I must do something.  A visit with an orthopedic surgeon convinced me the only option was a total shoulder replacement.  Once a date was set for surgery there were a number of pre-surgery requirements to be met.  There were x-rays, scans, blood tests, heart tests and meetings with doctors and the surgeon.  Now I can’t stall anymore. 

Hopefully I can squeeze in one more blog before that day.  If not, the next blog I do will be with my left hand only.  Thankfully, I have spell check.           

GOTTA LOVE THE WEB

http://www.ted.com/talks/elizabeth_lindsey_curating_humanity_s_heritage.html

I rarely surf the web.  I get on, find what I want and then get off.  But sometimes, God knows how, I end up somewhere that if you offered me a million dollars to remember how I got there, I would still be penniless.  This was such a day.

Somehow I ended up on a site called TED, TED.com to be exact (see above please).  TED stands for technology, entertainment and design.  Since its start, in the early eighties, it has developed into much more than that.  While glancing through the home page of this non-profit organization I noticed the high caliber of speakers they feature but what really caught my attention was they are each allotted 18 minutes or less, perfect for my attention span. 

I clicked on a lady named Elizabeth Lindsey, a National Geographic Fellow who studies and speaks of the value of preserving cultures around the world for their wealth of knowledge.  In the clip I watched her tell of a mariner from a small Micronesian island who navigates miles of ocean using only his intuition.  This is right up my alley to start with but what got my attention was Elizabeth’s statement that “It’s been said that when an elder dies, it’s as if a library is burned.”

What a profound statement!  While obviously true, I doubt of any of us have consciously thought  that every human being is a walking library.  Each possesses knowledge and experience unique to them.  As one ages the library expands. 

In her video Elizabeth speaks of a tiny island, one mile long and a half mile wide.  For centuries these islanders have sailed the seas in canoes without the navigational aids common to modern day mariners.  They would study the winds, currents and clouds to determine the right time to set sail on their journeys.  She eloquently made the case that this culture and many others have much to offer the world.  That we must not let these libraries close. 

Elizabeth is on a world tour this year to further her studies.  Thankfully there are people like her and others that have made it their mission to gather information for the rest of us.  Me, I’m content with my own little world, as I am sure most are, yet wouldn’t it be nice if we could learn more about our libraries.

Terry and I were recently guests of our granddaughter Kelly at their school on Grandparents Day.  One of her tasks was to introduce us to her class and tell them about us.  In preparation, she had called the night before and asked us a series of questions.  Where were we born, what we liked to do, what was our life’s work, did we have any brothers and sisters and a few other questions.  Reading from their notes, Kelly and the other’s, proudly told the class about their grandparents.  Terry and I were equally proud.

We loved it.  It also got me to thinking how little we know about those around us, even those quite close to us.  Each one is their own library.  Speaking for myself, I wish I had inquired more about some of my relatives who are now gone or maybe been a little more inquisitive at our family gatherings.  I learned later in life, for example, that I had a cousin who lied about his age so he could join the Army in the latter stages of World War II.  His mother grudgingly signed his consent form.  He was killed in Germany one week before the war ended. 

I am sure each of us knows libraries filled with fascinating bits of information.  It might be informative, rewarding and fascinating to read a book once in a while.  Kelly and her classmates are on the right track.