NO MORE EXCUSES

I don’t want to be the Marlboro man or anything but I have often wondered what it would be like to have a tattoo or tattoos.  Not all tatted up but just something rather demure and tasteful.  I have never taken the plunge but one night at the Orange County fair I did get one of those temporary tattoos on my forearm.  I felt so ashamed of myself I wore a long sleeve shirt for a several days in stifling heat until it washed off.  I even toyed with the idea of coming out with a line of sheer tops and shirts that had tattoo art work on them so one could go clubbing for the evening with the appearance of having tattoos.  You know, when you feel daring but not that daring. 

So this morning I’m reading the business section of the LA Times when a headline catches my eye.  It says “Pardon me, is that your tattoo ringing?”  It seems Nokia Corp. has filed for a patent for a tattoo that would send a perceivable impulse to your skin whenever someone calls your cell phone.  The phone would emit magnetic waves and the tattoo would act as a receiver.  It would even be possible to customize the response according to who is calling.

VOILA!!  No more excuses.  Being hard of hearing and frequently missing phone calls, this may be the answer!  At least now I could say “I didn’t really want to get one but I couldn’t hear my phone ring”.

So now the question becomes what tattoo to get.  Do I go the tribal route and trace my family all the way back to Ireland?  I really don’t care for gothic, that stuff is creepy.  If I had been a Marine I would go with Semper Fi, but I didn’t have that honor.  I was never in a gang so that’s out and I’m not really the serpent or devil type. 

When I do settle on a design then there is the question of customizing the response.  I definitely have certain reactions to incoming phone numbers.  Maybe an itchy feeling for bill collectors, a feeling of salt spray for a call from a fishing buddy or a warm sensation for calls from my wife and kids.  I could even program it so I would get a choking feeling if it’s the IRS.  The possibilities are endless. 

One of the reasons I always resisted was that a tattoo might give me that living-on-the-edge, bad boy look at the time, but not so much so as the years went by.  While some men face the ordeal later in life of getting a girl’s name removed because it was 2 wives ago, I would never have that problem.  I was then, am now and always will be a one woman man. 

So there are no more excuses for not getting a tattoo.  The fact that I will never miss another call on my cell phone is the clincher.  After much thought, I have decided to go with a family tattoo.  

The location will be on the right shoulder, so it’s not too “out front”.  It was recently surgically rebuilt so it should be good to go.  At the top of the family tree will be my wife Terry.  Below that, across the shoulder will be our 4 kids, Erin, Forest, Romy and Molly.  Below them, and I am going to keep pumping iron with my right arm to assure an adequate width for all the names, will be the spouses, grandchildren and significant others.  Each will be magnetized with their own incoming responses.  There will, of course, be room below for additions as the family grows. 

Now if I can just work up the nerve.