IT'S A FISH

Have you ever watched “Shark Week” or any of the many scientific shows about sharks? Some overly tanned guy or girl decked out from A to Z in Patagonia type wear is reverentially talking about sharks as “magnificent animals” while making every effort to convince you that sharks are equivalent to a cuddly pussycat. That kind of talk may fly in academia nerd land but not out here amongst real people.

As to the assertion that sharks are magnificent animals I have two thoughts. First, I have no quarrel with magnificent. They are indeed. If you have ever witnessed one of the more manly sharks, such as a great white, hammerhead or mako, in full flight doing what they do best, it is magnificent indeed. Their creator gave them all the tools to both talk the talk and walk the walk. They are at the top of the shark food chain. Numerous other sharks fill in below them and each in their own way is equally magnificent. There is also no doubt as to their vital role in the marine eco-system.

Where they lose me is with the assertion that sharks are animals. Again, maybe that is academia talking but let me give you my side. They are not animals, they are fish. Animals have hair. Animals can walk on land. Animals do not spend their entire life submerged in water and they do not have gills. While some are great swimmers they must come up for air or die. At great depths sharks are laid-back comfortable while an animal would burst like a balloon. Sharks, animals, I think not. Let’s just call a fish a fish.

As to them being cuddly pussycats, ahhhhh, no. Those tanned, Patagonia clad people can stand there all they want in that knee deep water surrounded by circling sharks, I’m not buying it. They’ve been trained like Pavlov’s dog to expect a feeding at that time everyday. What do you think they are going to do, bite the hand that feeds them? As for the guy suspended in mid-ocean while sharks meander by to check him out, he just happened to catch them on a good day. A word of warning, don’t piss them off. Show any signs of weakness or, God forbid, drop a thimble full of blood in the water and he will be lucky to make it to the surface in one piece. It’s a good bet several limbs will be missing. When on their turf they make horrible enemies. Do no try to be their friend. I wish them no harm but I will observe from a boat or a beach, thank you.

And don’t get me started on these same people referring to a porpoise as a dolphin. Maybe in some scientific journal with a long Latin description the name “dolphin” might be used to describe a porpoise but in the real world a dolphin is a fish. It is brightly colored, favors warm water and has a normal fish tail, not a sideways tail like a porpoise. They are called dorado in Mexico and mahi-mahi in Hawaii. Flipper was a porpoise, not a dolphin.